Saturday, December 31, 2011

A Better 2011 List of Sexiest Men of All Time

I have to admit, I like all those end of year lists that pop up the week after Christmas. But I’m ALWAYS annoyed by the “Sexiest Men of (insert year here)” because by-in-large they aren’t. Just not into pretty boys who dominate Hollywood. I can’t speak for gay men, but generally women need a little more than looks to go on.

But this was the last straw, Entertainment Weekly came out with their 25 Sexiest men of All Time. ALL time. #1 is Christian Bale. Easy on the eyes, but hottest man ever? Eric Bana…who is that? Orlando Bloom…nice elf, but really? Leonardo DiCaprio…shoot me now.

So I’ve come up with a much improved list of the Top 10 Sexiest Men of All Time. Gay or straight, I hope you enjoy…

#10 - Tom Selleck

It’s customary for these lists to contain celebrities, here’s our nod to pop culture…Tom “You-Will-Always-Be-Magnum-To-Us” Selleck…

We love him as an actor and in real life. Devoted family man, he graduated from USC on a basketball scholarship, served in the California Army National Guard during the Watts Riots. He became a Hollywood heart throb in the days before it became standard to wax men into shiny, hairless hermaphrodites. These days he wrangles his own avocado ranch, is a board member and spokes person for the NRA, and continues to light up the screen as a timeless All-American man.

#9 - Anyone who DOESN’T look like these losers…

Why would anyone is having sex with any of these people just makes me sad for humanity…and our gene pool.

#8 – Sci-Fi Anti-Hero’s

OK, time for TMI…I’m a geek. Not really into celebrities, but I love the characters they play. Especially the archetypal, Western inspired, science fiction Anti-Hero. Men who are conflicted by their own self-interest, but rise to do the right thing in the end. Not interested Harrison Ford one bit…love Han Solo. Do NOT want to know what Vin Diesel or Nathan Fillion are like in real life…but their characters in Pitch Black and Firefly (respectively) are pretty darn hunky. Does that make the writers the sexy ones? Sometimes fantasy is better than reality.

#7 – Teddy Roosevelt

Born an asthmatic child, but grew up to be one of the single most accomplished men in history. New York City police commissioner, Rough Rider and hero of the Spanish-American War, Vice President, youngest U.S. President, built up the Navy, established an independent Panama, forged the Panama Canal, won the Nobel Peace Prize for helping end the Russo-Japanese War, established our great National Forests and Parks. Family man, academic, adventurer…and if you can get past all that crazy face hair, pretty easy on the eyes.

Barry, who?

#6 Mario Contreras, Stephen Kane and Carlos Partida

(photo of three with Charger, Toby Wiest, at thank you ceremony)

Just three normal Joe’s…construction workers pouring concrete at a Carlsbad elementary school when they heard gun shots. They looked up to see Brendan Liam O’Rourke shooting at a playground full of children. These hard working fathers didn’t hesitate for a moment when they ran toward the shooter and chased him on foot until Partida was able to jump in his pick-up and ram O’Rourke with the truck. Then a little good ‘ol fashioned fist party took place until they were sure the shooter was no longer a threat and police could take custody (thank God, no students were killed, but two second grade girls were injured before the shooter was ‘subdued.’

#5 One Seriously Badass Japanese Dude

Thanks to our friend Beers With Demo, we learned of Hideaki Akaiwa…unbelievable real life hero. Following the earthquake and tsunami that devastated his town of Ishinomaki, Japan, he managed to find SCUBA gear and dove into freezing cold, oncoming waves to to find and rescue his wife from their mostly submerged home. And then went back in to find his mother. And then back to find anyone else still alive in the wreckage.

What kind of man do YOU want to be married to when the world ends?

#4 - The SLOB’s

If you ladies haven’t checked out the men of our very own San Diego Local Order of Bloggers, then you are missing out some seriously sexy brain power. There is something for everyone from Christian Conservative, to vegan Libertarian, to Atheist Objectivist, to irreverent sports, beer, law, theology econ and I.T. guru’s. But sorry, ladies, all but one of our fine authors is married, so you are going to have to mud wrestle for the last single, free-thinking man in Southern California.

#3 – Men in Uniform

This one needs no explanation…cause these guys are just smokin’ hot…

And these guys..

Them too…

Since hubby was one of these, I’m especially partial to…

Gotta love the police and firemen too!

#2 - "Disabled" Vets

I cannot possibly imagine what it’s like to survive the horrific injuries that befall our men and women in uniform. But when you see one of these vets with a leg (or more) missing and they’re working out, raising their families and taking on life, it takes your breath away. Any man who can lose an entire body part (or more), dust himself off and keep going…he’s a survivor. And that appeals not only on a base Darwinian level, but on a highly spiritual one as well. Off the charts sexy.

#1 - Hard Working Men

Our number one spot includes some of our previous choices…men who understand that it’s not about loving your job, but loving the reason you have a job. They are the sexiest men of all time. And in this economy, it means more than ever. Having a bachelor’s in business but holding down three part time jobs because that’s what’s available. The father who is learning to be Mr. Mom because his wife still has a job with some healthcare benefits. Real men doing real work and not whining about it…SEXXXXXY.

So to my amazing husband who straps on 40 lbs. of body armor and equipment to head out and deal with the worst elements of society…and all the other men who roll out to work each day with their heads held high…honest to God, there isn’t a single Hollywood pretty boy who can hold a candle to you.

P.S. I’m sure the Goddess at Temple of Mut will agree with me, we would like to award an Honorable Mention to the Hell on Wheels lead character, Cullen Bohannon. Do NOT want to know what Anson Mount is like in person. Just keep playing the tormented hero bent on avenging the brutal murder of his wife and son. A time tested plot devise that gets us every time.


Mutnodjmet said...

Cullen Bohannon...yes, the 2nd best thing that happened in 2011. The only thing I might add is a special designation for Seal Team 6 that brought us the 1st best thing -- Bin Laden's demise. There is truly nothing sexier than American men unleashing a can of whupass mixed with justice.

Doo Doo Econ said...

Hell on wheels is a great series!

It is quite an honor to make a sexiest a blogger was very unexpected! 8)

Dean said...

Sarah, great list. Thanks for the link.

Link forthcoming

SarahB said...

Goddess, fantastic suggestion. Will amend shortly!

Charles, you boys earned it ;)

Dean, thank you!